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英语短篇幽默故事 >>> 英语短篇幽默故事
2018 04 13
导读:现代中小学生不能只局限于校园和课本，应该广开视野，广长见识，幽默故事非常适合中小学生，既能开心阅读，也能从中学习到一些知识。下面小编为大家带来短篇的英语幽默故事，希望能帮助到大家。
1、你太晚了 You are too late
On a bus a man discovered a pickpocket s hand thrust into his pocket.
sorry, he said to the pickpocket, you are too late. MY wife did it before you.
在公共汽车上，有个人发现小偷把手伸到了他的口袋里o
对不起, 他对小偷说， 你太晚了，我妻子在你之前就做过同样的事情了。”
2、What is your offense 你做了什么坏事
It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What is your offense?”
圣诞佳节到来，法官心情愉悦地问犯人：“你做了什么坏事啊？”
“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.
“我今年圣诞节购物早了些”犯人回答。
“There s nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. How early were you doing this shopping?”
“这么做没错啊，”法官说：“到底多早之前啊？“
“Before the store opened, ”answered the prisoner.
“商店开门之前“犯人答道。
3、Problem with gas 放屁的问题
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, ¨Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn t really bother me too much. They never small and are always silent.
有位小老太太去看医生，她对医生说：”医生，我有爱放屁的毛病。其实也不是大问题，因为我放屁不臭而且没声音。
As a matter Of fact, I ve farted at least 20 times since I ve been here in your office. You didn t know l was farting because they don t smell and are silent.” The doctor says, ¨I see, Here s aprescription.
事实上，自从我进了你办公室后，已经放了至少20个屁了，但是你并不知道对吧，因为我的屁不臭，而且还没声音。 医生说：“好的，我明白了。
Take these piles 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week. The next week the lady goes back. Doctor, she says, ¨I don t know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts…although still silent... stink terribly.
吃这个药片，一天三次连续吃七天，下星期你再来。一个星期后，老太太来了，¨医生，你到底给的我什么药，现在我放屁还是没声音。
The doctor says, “Good! Now that we ve cleared up your sinuses, let s start working on your hearing.
但是怎么这么臭 医生说：太好了!既然你的嗅觉正常了，门开始治听觉吧。¨
4、lf life were like a computer 假如生活是一台电脑
you could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel. you could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it ! you could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings. you could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy. you could click on find ctrl,fto recover your lost remote control and car keys. to get your daily exercise,just click on run !if you mess up your life,you could always press ctrl,alt, and start all over!
你可以通过控制面板增加或者删除一些人：可以把孩子放进回收站，然后在你喜欢的时候再还原；可以通过调整显示器的设置让外袁更好看：可以在吵闹的时候关掉音箱；可以点击¨搜索¨找到丢失了的遥控器和车钥匙：锻炼身体的时候，点击¨运行¨。要是你的生活一团糟，同时按下¨ctrl，alt, 键，一切就会重新开始。
5、Much worse 那就更糟了
Policeman:Why didn t you shout for help when you were robbed Of your watch?
警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？
Man: lf I had opened my mouth,they d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。
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